Adulting

Hiiii! It’s been quite a while since I’ve written on here, and I have to admit that I’m okay with that. I find that taking some time away from writing always opens up this possibility for a change of pace and clarity that we all need. So what’s happened in these last few months? Well, for starters, I finally…finally….FINALLLYYYY graduated from Minnesota State University and received my B.F.A. in Musical Theater. (screams and cheers).

Interestingly enough, now that I am out of school, I have had a pretty awesome few months. Clarification: Awesome, but not easy. 3 weeks before graduation my life was in a completely different place. I was closing my final show at MSU with some of my closest friends, I was uneasy about having the structure of school in my life ripped from under me, and I was a month away from accepting a job officially that would have altered my life completely. I’m not going to say what the job was, but those who remain close to me know of it and understand that deep deeeeeeep down…I didn’t want to accept it but felt that I HAD to.

I personally believe that there’s a stigma when it comes to being offered jobs as actors. Do we HAVE to take everything that’s offered to us? Should we force ourselves to take something that deep down we know we wouldn’t genuinely enjoy? I would argue that what we as actors should audition for every opportunity that comes our way. I have and will continue to stand by that. However, I believe that what we as performers do is extremely taxing, exhausting but exhilarating. So, with that, I turned down that particular job and do what you ask? Wait for it….Make auditioning my job (crazy). And I have to say, it was the best decision I have ever made. I have a pretty swell day job, and I’m currently about to vocal direct/asst. direct a show at my old High School with a very good friend of mine. I also have received a verrrrrrry nice grant from a playwriting foundation from my little 10 minute play I wrote. For some reason recent graduates (myself included) beat ourselves up when we aren’t booked immediately. We get doubtful and tend to measure our success level next to the person next to us who is on their 3rd or 4th contract of the year. Guess what? Great for them. If you can’t be happy when someone else is getting work when you aren’t, re-think some things. As Leslie Odom Jr. perfectly put it in his wonderful book, “Failing up”: What are you doing when the phone ISN’T ringing? Ahh….bet you don’t think about that too often do you? But it’s true. I learned the hard way in college that you cannot move forward if you’re looking from side to side. Everybody has their own path and that’s the best part. I have to tell myself every day that I’m ok when those feelings of shame and doubt creep in. Sometimes you just have to push yourself a little harder than you think to get to that moment of clarity that you’ve been waiting for, for months. I think its easy to assume that those of us recent grads that have NO idea what we're doing are failures is ridiculous. You are just as successful as that person who's on that 4th contract, it just might be in a different way at that moment in time. Creativity is lodged in the darkest places of you, pull it out, hold it in your hand, and throw it into the world. We all have to start somewhere, right?