Gratitude: The Diamond In the Rough.

Heyoooo! Well you beautiful people, I’m blessed to say that I have now officially completed my junior year of college. CRAZY TOWN. This year as a whole has been one big compilation of ups and downs, successes and failures, but most importantly, a journey. Although this year included some of the greatest life lessons ill carry with me forever I have to be real with y’all. This year was actually quite difficult for me in more ways than one. And I have decided to delve into that a little bit in hopes that maybe someone who dealt with or felt the same way, knows that they are not alone in this:

The biggest thing I struggled with this year time and time again was that good ole’ self esteem. It’s something that we all have or currently are struggling with on some level. However this wrestling match with self esteem was different this time. It wasn’t just a simple “I don't like how I look” or “I don't feel like i’m good enough TODAY.” It didn’t just come in waves and then go away, it stuck around. For an entire year those thoughts were always in the back of my mind, pulling me down the rabbit hole of anxiety, self doubt, and insecurity. It came to the point where it began to bleed into every area of my life: academics, performances, relationships, as well as my own everyday mentality. Even in some of my most successful moments this year, I didn’t believe I could do it, and I didn’t believe I was fit for whatever particular thing I was given. For in class performances I automatically set my mentality to “failure” mode. I was cast in a role I had dreamed of playing for most of my collegiate career and I spent most of my time in that show being fearful of failure, not believing I was enough, and not taking care of myself.

Which brings me to the turning point of this year: There comes a point where you have to really ask yourself “How long do I want to keep thinking like this?” because really, it is a choice. Pick yourself up so that you are able to come face to face with all of that negativity and doubt and say “I choose love and gratitude”. Oddly enough, that’s was snapped me out of it. Being grateful for what’s around you immediately cancels out all of that dark disease. Choosing to love yourself and others around you is an everyday battle, but its a great one.

One more crucial thing that I have also come to understand is that not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to support you in all that you do and that’s okay. BUT, I challenge all of you and say.....wait for it: support them. Send them love from afar. Kill them with kindness is one of the most cliche quotes in the book of life but it’s the truest of them all. Maybe sooner or later they will reciprocate that love and support back. And if they don’t? oh well. Even if I don’t necessarily “like” someone, (however you may define that is up to you), I will never discredit them as a person, and what they bring to the table as human beings.

So where do we go from here? I say fight with every part of you to look away from the darkness and look and the beauty of it all Choose the gratitude, joy, and love. Write out 5 things you’re grateful for if you have to, but love and support is what you lead with from now on. SO STICK THAT IN YOUR JUICE BOXES AND TASTE THAT FOR AWHILE! BAM! I’ll be making another post in the next day or two about an exciting thing I’ll be doing for the summer EEEEEEK! Happy beginning of summer to all of you fantastic humans!